The onion horoscope taurus
Gemini May 21 to June 20 You'll finally get around to the important and long-delayed business of calling that toll-free number right now. Leo July 23 to Aug.
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Virgo Aug. Libra Sept. Scorpio Oct. Sagittarius Nov. Capricorn Dec.
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Aquarius Jan. Pisces Feb. Aries March 21 to April 19 Your water will break while watching a performance of The Marriage Of Figaro , causing you great surprise, as you are not pregnant, female, or interested in opera. Taurus April 20 to May 20 Everyone will be talking about your wonderful personality and kind nature next week, which is customary at funerals.
Cancer June 21 to July 22 The stars indicate that they know very well who ate the last of the cottage cheese and would appreciate you replacing it, thank you. Leo July 23 to Aug.
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Virgo Aug. Libra Sept.
Scorpio Oct. Sagittarius Nov. Capricorn Dec. Aquarius Jan.
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